You may be embarrassed to admit to the public your reasons for deciding to get married, but it is important you and your partner know the reason you individually decided to. That is what will keep you both going when the going gets tough.
Ask him why he wants to get married?
According to Gina Barreca (Phd) of Psychology Today, men get married for many different reasons.
As the decades come and go, so does the reasons for marriage change. In the 1950’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, men got married with a mindset that they needed to get married to be recognised as matured grown ups in the society. Well, this is not the same in the 21st century. Today, single men are doing awesome things in the society and even though many still retain the idea that one has to be married to prove maturity, most people know better.
So, if men are no longer getting married to prove maturity, why are they finding partners and getting married?
People get married for different reasons. It is important to know why your man want to get married. Most ladies will base their reasons on love, which is not bad even though love is not an enough reason to get married, it is still a place to start.
If you ask him why he wants to get married and he is unable to give you a reason, that should be a cause of concern to you.
Have you ever heard that when something has no purpose, abuse is inevitable? That is as true as it sounds. It is your reasons for getting married that will keep you committed long after the euphoria of “love” is long gone.
For men, they have several reasons for deciding to get married and this reason ranges from Friendship, sex, love, to the need for a family (wife and kids) etc.
The reason why it is important to know your man’s purpose of getting married is because it helps you to know what role he expects you to play in his life. Bellow are some reasons a man would want to get married and what role he expects you to play in it.
Have you ever been close friends with a person and some misunderstanding happened and you both totally stopped being friends? Yeah. Many can relate to this. This is why it is important to play friendship by the rule.
If his reason for getting married is friendship, then it is important for you to know how to build a friendship that will last.
Here are important rules to observe to keep the friendship between you and your partner alive forever.
Whatever role is expected of you, if you love him, it is important to know what it entails and how best to do it.
- DEVELOP A LISTENING EAR:
You have to be able to listen to him talk about his good and bad times. You may not have a solution to his problems, but just listening lightens the weight. You have to understand that he is not necessarily telling you so you can help find a solution. He may have even already found a solution. Remember you can’t listen and talk at the same time! lol
- BE SUPPORTIVE:
You have to be supportive of him. In-fact, you have to be his no 1 cheer leader. Even when he is wrong, never publicly show your disapproval. It will hurt him.
- KEEP ONE BEST FRIEND:
Being his best friend will not allow you keep other best friends. You will make him jealous. This does not mean you can’t keep friends. Its just, you only get to keep one best friend. Him.
- TELL THE TRUTH ALWAYS:
Being his friend also entails you tell him the truth at all times. friendship is built on trust. don’t betray his trust by telling lies. no matter how difficult, find the best way to talk about things you will rather hide.
- DON’T EXPOSE HIM:
Friends means you can’t expose his mistakes to others. You cant paint him in a bad light and whenever you talk about him to others, you have to consider how what you are saying will influence people’s opinion of him.good or bad?
- CREATE TIME FOR FUN:
Friendship develops when people spend time doing things together. Don’t let this stop after marriage. You have to create time for fun. It will keep you two together.
- SHOW RESPECT:
Some people believe the better friends you become, the less respectful you are free to become. Here is how I view it. If I keep a friend that is younger than I, I want to be free to relax, be myself, play with him or her. But in return, I don’t want to be disrespected. I want to be friends and still have my respect intact.
So, no matter how playful or close you two become, keep the respect in tact. It does not matter who is older. Respect should be mutual.
- GIVE HIM HIS SPACE:
Most people love to always be around the person they love, But sometimes, they crave some time alone. As closer as you two grow, try to give him his space when he desires it. It is important to keep friendship alive.
The great thing about friendship is that it adds spice to marriage and makes it easier to live together as partners.
So, if you both are not already friends, or if that is not one of his reasons for wanting to get married, you can begin to deepen your relationship by becoming best friends and better still, best friends.
If his reason for getting married is sex, here are some rules to play by so your relationship last.
let’s face it, most men marry for sex. In the 60’s, 70’s, and 90’s when sex was only encouraged within the scope of marriage, men basically married for sex, a show of maturity and the desire to raise offsprings. Today, things have changed.
Most men marry for the need to raise a family and they only do when they feel they are ready. Mostly Between age 30-40. those who marry earlier do because of love and sex. So, if your man falls within the bracket of men who marry for sex, here are some rules that help keep the fire burning in your marriage.
- DON’T JUDGE HIS BODY:
like it is for most of us, it is not easy to stand stack naked in front of another. A lot of things comes to mind. Does she like what she sees? Am I good enough? Am I really who she wants? Can I satisfy her? So, the last thing you want to do is start making judgemental remarks about his body. It can make a man unable to perform. If you have remark about things you want him to work on like hygiene, let it be after the sex.
It wont hurt much and he will be more open to hear it.
- LOOK HOT FOR HIM:
It is not right to only look good when you go out. Even in the house, be hot. Dress hot for him. It will increase his desire for your body.
- BE DYNAMIC:
Many ladies prefer to stick to one way of making love. This can get boring for the man. If you don’t know any other way, read online or buy a book about it. The more dynamic your sex positions, the better.
- DON’T DENY HIM SEX:
Many married ladies don’t want to have sex all the time. If you are single, you will not understand what I am trying to say. Singles crave sex but most married ladies don’t. After a hectic day, they would rather eat and sleep. But if you agreed to marry your man knowing his reason is sex, it will be wrong for you to deny him that. Except you are ill, it is important you satisfy him. If you don’t, he may use it as an excuse to cheat. It is important to make love frequently in your marriage. It brings you and your partner closer.
Many Men marry for different reasons and if you give him what he wants from marriage, you will be the best girl he ever met. But if not, he may harbour resentments and regret his decision to get married.
As almost impossible as it may seem in our world today, some men marry for love. I believe the others latter grow into loving the woman they marry. If your man decided to get married because of love, it is important that you know how to keep the love alive in your marriage. It is also important that you learn to speak and show him love in a language he understands. Garry Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages has a theory that we all communicate love in different ways.
Chapman’s theory is simple. He thinks that each of us speaks one of five primary love languages.
- Acts of Service: “For these people, your actions are more valued than your words. They only feel loved when you do things for them.
- Words of Affirmation: “This language uses words to encourage and affirm people”
- Receiving Gifts: “For some people, what makes them feel most loved is when you give them gifts. It may not necessarily be expensive gifts. The thoughtfulness behind the gifts can fill their love tank to full.”
- Physical Touch: “For this person, nothing speaks more deeply than being touched in the right places.”
- Quality Time: “This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. It means No TV or messaging when you are having quality time with him”
The language we speak is the way we express love, and probably, the way we want love expressed to us. But your Partner may not have the same love language as you. Your job then is to find out how he communicates love.
Often times, the reasons we go into marriage is the reason that keeps us in it. So, it is important you both know how to make each other’s love tank full. There was one time Joseph was not helping me with chores because he was busy at work. I suddenly started feeling unloved. No matter how much he tried to affirm me with words, I could not believe he loved me. I was pregnant and fat.
“Could it be because I am fat, Joseph stopped loving me?” I found myself worrying.
That evening he returned, cleaned the house and made dinner. Immediately, my love tank rose to 100%. It is funny how our love languages influences how and when we feel loved. Joseph does not have to do chores every day to make me feel loved. But once in a while, he does have to pick anything he can do to help me out.
Whatever your partner’s love language is, practise it and his love for you will only keep growing.
If you got value from this, hit me up on twitter @marrytherightm and let me know what you thought.